Today I did two things I hardly ever do:
- Went for a walk when there were important sporting events on network TV (I'm too cheap for cable and a huge sports fan).*
- Listened to the same song on repeat for the entire walk.
* Calm down; I started walking during halftime of the Michigan State/UConn game and only missed a bit of the second half.
The song I listened to was "Chocolate" from The 1975. It's super catchy, and as I did my dorky head-bops and hand grooves down the street, I kept hearing this line: "We're never gonna quit it, no, we're never gonna quit it, no." It made me smile and believe.
It's been an exceptionally tough six months. The best way to put it is that I felt like resigning from life. Nothing more serious than that, but I was just DONE. Done with this horrible winter. Done giving and giving and giving. Done with perplexing, heartbreaking behavior. Done with having to sit at home with a sprained ankle. Done.
I've had a hard time seeing an end to this bewilderingly tough season of life, even though I KNEW there would be an end. But spring always comes. (Unless it's Game of Thrones, and I can't even tackle that "winter is coming" business today.)
Spring always comes. There's days when it's 47° and sunny. There's days when I actually want to dance instead of crying. There's days when I realize that I'm not quitting, not giving up and am strong. I'm seeing spring even though there are still massive snowbanks everywhere. I'm enjoying the epic goose battles outside my window because it means that spring is here--a new season, a new start, a new hope.
I'm a God person, so along with spring always coming, I also know that after every Good Friday there comes an Easter Sunday. No matter how dark and hopeless things are (and believe me, I've lived that hopelessness since October), there is a resurrection that defies belief. I saw a tiny glimpse of that today. And I'm not quitting.
[Upon coming home and reading the lyrics, I'm pretty sure this song is about drugs. Don't do drugs, kids. For real. But they also talk about guns under their petticoats, which is tremendous. Free pass, The 1975. Thanks for helping me through a tough spot.]
If I can't do drugs, can I at least carry a gun under my petticoat?
ReplyDeleteYou are amazing. And you're not quitting.
Who needs quitting with a gun under my petticoat? Plus, I want my hair to smell like chocolate.
Delete:) Thank you.
I have had the privilege of getting to know you over the course of this dreadful winter, and I must say, I have not sensed struggles from you. I have, however, been blessed by your kindness, honesty, and sense of humor. You are a beautiful soul and I pray that as new life blooms around us, your struggles will fade and the sun will shine down on you once again :)
ReplyDeleteThat is so kind of you, Jodi! Holding on to that promise of sunshine.
DeleteHa! There is even a "That's what she said" in the song!
ReplyDeleteI found this on songmeanings.com:
Its about his sister, she was a heroin addict and she used to tell him that her syringes were her 'guns which she use to hide ("guns hidden under our petticoat"), the 'chocolate' refers to the heroin and he wrote this song in a blur of emotions he must have been experiencing at the time, he never meant for it to be released from his computer but somehow it made its way onto soundcloud
I felt the same way, Jennifer, after years of hearing the song "I want candy" not knowing it was about drugs. Darn those catchy tunes!
The beauty of art--different people see/hear different things. :) The heroin references will not stop me from enjoying it. I heard a particularly catchy song last night that I quickly realized was quite vulgar and misogynistic. But am I giving up Chocolate? Nope.
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